Wendy’s thoughts on recovering from divorce and getting married again

Not many people share their thoughts on such an intimate subject, especially with readers who are in the corporate world.

But then, not many people are like me.  I believe that every experience in life—even the painful ones—has lessons for us if we open our minds to seeing them.

Thank you for taking the time to read my very personal thoughts.

As I look back on what has brought me to from divorce to marriage, I appreciate that it has been a journey that has been challenging—painful at times and even frightening at others—as well as being full of grace and love.

What have I learned from my Break to Dawn?  Let me share three insights.

1. “Face your fears.  Embrace them, and walk into uncertainty.”

When I was facing divorce, I was overwhelmed with my fears of stigma, rejection and being alone.  I finally said to myself, “you are alone anyway, so what if you are rejected by many because you are divorced?”. With this declaration, I gathered the courage to move on. 

I am still afraid of failures, but I choose to focus on what I can create than what I may lose.

2. “When you experience failure, it does not mean you are a failure.  Learn from it so you can succeed the next time.”

When my first marriage failed in 1999, I went through a period of self-doubt and pain.  I could not understand where I was not good enough.  With much prayer, counsel and support, I drew wisdom and strength to live on and to love.  My children kept me going and I wanted to be a loving and strong mother for them.

I realized that in spite of and perhaps because of my divorce, I became a stronger woman, more capable of making a difference to others wanting change.

I also took at look at what I can learn from my failed marriage.  There is little to gain by blaming others for my failure and being a victim of the situation.  I asked myself “how did I contributed to the marriage not working out?”

By being honest with myself,  I learned that for my new marriage to work , it is important that husband and wife spend enough “couple time”;  to continue bonding with each other and avoid falling into temptations. 

Matthew and I started our marriage with four children.  There is not the traditional  “honeymoon” period of just two lovers.  This makes it  even more important to carve out time for each other.  When our children see us making a point to value our “couple” time, they will in turn feel more secure that their parents love each other  and that the family is cherished.

3. “Accept support and love.”

It is strange but we reject love especially when we desire it so much. 

After years of being a single mother, and thinking “I can do this on my own.  Who needs men?”, it was a humbling experience to learn to accept love and support from Matthew.  He taught me that though self-sufficiency is good, inter-dependency is even better.

By giving to and accepting support and love from Matthew, we both could grow and give to others even more than before. 

I also appreciate the concern and encouragement from my family and friends, who are instrumental in my recovery from divorce, and creating love and romance again.

If you are reading this and going through a setback in life, I hope my sharing would give you comfort and encouragement.  If you are thriving in life, and know someone who might be encouraged from my sharing, please feel free to forward my message.

The Wand Inspiration Team in white and not red for once